I'm Back

i dont think that i've blogged since my uncle dune passed away.  i really didnt see the need for it i guess.  but then again i think i've had a hard time seeing the need in most things these days.

about two weeks ago a friend from shreveport shot himself.  he left behind a beautiful family.  we've all had a hard time understanding the whole deal. piggie backed off uncle dune passing i've had a lot of thoughts on death, and even more thoughts on life.  i dont understand why we would loose a man that loved life so much and that wanted to live everyday, and there are other people that purposely take their own lives.  so many things just dont make sense.

so...after uncle dune passed away i found so much of who i am in the man that is my uncle.  he was a rebel, a gentleman, a leader, a lover of life, a lover of a good laugh, a good husband, an artist, he was ok being himself.  my uncle was a leader in our family.  we was a man's man, but he also loved the lord.  he's the only person that ever encouraged me to be myself.  he called himself a walking contradiction.  he was the type of man that i want to be.

since the band broke up i've questioned who i am.  i've played drums with the cgb  since my senior year of high school.  i feel like God is revealing to me who i am.  some days it scares me.  the more i learn about myself, the more i learn about life and the church as well.  

i've spent the last 6 months split between the church world and extreme poverty.  it's made me rough and loving.  it's made me sad and happy.  lost and found.  scared and yet so secure.  i am a walking contradiction.  i can eat steak on monday and crumbs on tuesday and never know the difference.  i am seeing what the church looks like.  it doesnt look like the church that i grew up with.  i'm learning who i am.  and i dont look like the me that i grew up with.  God is patient.  He is loving. He is kind.  He gives life to those who seek it.  but it might not look like i thought it would.c     xd